


The Whole Pretending Thing

by talesandthings



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Episode Related, M/M, s07e10 The Bittersweet Science
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-26
Updated: 2013-11-26
Packaged: 2018-01-02 17:06:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1059378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/talesandthings/pseuds/talesandthings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The radiance on Hotch’s face was another thing that not only got his attention but that of their co-workers too. He didn’t say anything though. How could he? Outside of the team, he and Hotch shared no other relationship at all, or at least that’s what everyone else thought, and Spencer had no intentions of letting them believe otherwise, despite the fact that there was once a time when he and Hotch had shared something that was more than a professional relationship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Whole Pretending Thing

**Author's Note:**

> So I am thinking this will be a series. But I am not so sure yet. This is actually set during episode 10 of season 7 and also has references to episode 6 of season 1. Hope ya'll like this. I didn't get the time to proofread it, so my apologies for the grammar mistakes that may be present.

“Who’s getting a bicycle?”

“No one” Hotch had been too quick to answer and despite Spencer’s usual obliviousness, he knew that really didn’t mean no one. That wasn’t the only give away that suggested that something was up. In fact the radiance on Hotch’s face was another thing that not only got his attention but that of their co-workers too. He didn’t say anything though. How could he? Outside of the team, he and Hotch shared no other relationship at all, or at least that’s what everyone else thought, and Spencer had no intentions of letting them believe otherwise, despite the fact that there was once a time when he and Hotch had shared something that was more than a professional relationship.

Spencer doesn’t let those memories make him sad anymore and so he ignores the pang inside his heart and continues to hear his boss speak and tell them about the new case. He tells them to meet up in the plane in 20 minutes and as everyone leaves the room, Spencer can’t help but take a glance towards the Unit Chief. He knows his boss can feel Spencer’s eyes on him, and when Hotch looks up, Spencer quickly gathers his files and walks out of the room, without sparing a glance towards the older man. While gathering his go bag from under his desk, Spencer lets his thoughts wander was he reminisces about the brief affair, so to speak, he and Aaron had shared.

It was something that had started when the unit was giving Spencer gun lessons 6 years ago. The older man had been standing so close behind Spencer, that the younger man couldn’t help but let their bodies touch. That had not gone unnoticed by Aaron and he had settled his hands on Spencer’s hips and had almost buried his face in Spencer’s neck. Back then Spencer hadn’t known that that was something his boss liked to do, whenever he got physically intimate with a person. Spencer remembers taking out a shuddered breath and everything had gone to hell from there. Aaron had slammed him against the nearest wall and gone down on him, taking Spencer’s virginity in a firing range. Spencer had gotten Aaron off by giving him a tentative, unskilled hand job. After that moment was over, Aaron had apologized and Spencer had brushed it off, deciding not to tell Aaron that he was his first. Aaron’s wife was pregnant with their first child at the time, and despite knowing the wrongness of their act, Spencer understood that Aaron just needed a helping hand and Spencer had provided that for him.

Spencer is brought out of his reverie and into the present moment when he feels a hand on his shoulder. He doesn’t exactly jump at the contact, but he comes almost close. “You okay Spence?” J.J asks him with concern and Spencer nods his head, gives J.J an assuring smile, and follows his friend out the door, but not before taking a glance towards his one-time fling descending the stairs. Actually calling Aaron a one-time fling wouldn’t be right, because the fling had happened more than once in the past few years.

Once they’re all in the plane and it takes off, Hotch excuses himself to go take a call from someone and after a few minutes, Garcia pops up on the screen and starts grilling Rossi for details about Hotch’s love life. Spencer tries hard to keep the hurt from showing on his face at those questions. This morning when Hotch came to case room, Spencer had just known that something good had happened, and part of him also knew that the good thing had something to do with a woman, but he had tried to ignore the possibility, because ignoring it would mean that it’s not true. Instead of coming off as suspicious, Spencer starts spouting off statistics about widowers and their dating lives. Those statistics don’t apply to Hotch and Spencer wonders why. Part of him wants to think it was because Hotch wanted to ask Spencer out, but just didn’t have the balls to do it. Even after everything they have been through or done together, the two have never been out on a proper date. But Spencer knows all this is just wishful thinking. The only reason Aaron hasn’t gotten back into the dating scene yet, is because he doesn't want Haley to feel bad. Spencer doesn’t believe in souls, or heaven and hell, but Aaron does and Spencer also knows that the man believes his wife is in heaven, looking down upon him and their son. It doesn’t hurt any less though, knowing that Aaron hasn’t even considered Spencer as someone he could date.

Spencer knows when Hotch is back from his phone call and standing right behind him. The younger profiler goes stiff in his seat and he can feel Hotch’s hand on the seat, his calloused fingers digging into the leather, as he just stands there, listening to Garcia speak nervously. Spencer wants to shake his head. He can always see right through Aaron’s stoic expression. He knows the man enjoys scaring people with his stoic presence, but it doesn’t work on Spencer, or well maybe sometimes it does.

No one talks about Hotch’s date life after that and Spencer is glad. The case that they are on is brutal and they have no leads for a while. Spencer spends the whole time ignoring Aaron and only addressing him when he needs to say something about the case. He does that during pretty much every case, but he knows for sure that Aaron has noticed it today, because Spencer isn’t being very subtle about it today. After much investigation they finally figure out who the unsub is, and they all decide to split up in pairs to look for the man in different underground boxing scenes. “Reid, you’re with me” Hotch says in that usual professional voice of his, as he puts on the Kevlar vest. Spencer’s heart skips a beat upon hearing that. The two of them haven’t paired up with each other for something in a while. Either they are always with someone else in the car, or they’re together at the police station or field office with the other cops or FBI agents around, so they haven’t been alone in a car with each other in a long time. Spencer doesn’t like this at all. He just knows that Aaron wants to talk to him, he can feel it, and he isn’t ready for it. Spencer doesn’t say anything, though. He silently follows Aaron to the SUV after putting on his own Kevlar vest and gets into the passenger seat.

Hotch doesn’t say anything for a while, because they’re on a conference call with the others but he does steal glances towards Spencer, who pretends that he doesn’t notice them. Once the conference call is over, Spencer’s heart speeds up. He knows talking is inevitable now so as soon as Aaron says “Reid...,” Spencer starts talking about the case. “Do you think Jimmy will go quietly with us?” He stupidly ends up asking. “We didn’t profile him as being suicidal.” Hotch tightly replies and looks over Spencer, making the younger man want to slink into his seat. “Spencer… we need t-“Before Hotch can complete, they start getting an incoming call from Morgan and Spencer almost lets out a breath of relief. He knows Aaron wanted to talk about something person because of his usage of Spencer’s first name. Morgan tells them that the boxing scene they went to was only for women and then right after that Rossi calls in to tell them that they haven’t found Jimmy at their location either. Before Hotch could continue with the conversation, they were already at the boxing scene and quickly got out of the SUV and ran inside. Once there they just stood quietly outside and watched Jimmy get beat up. Spencer couldn’t understand what was going on because Jimmy was definitely capable of fighting back. He found himself asking Hotch for an explanation, who informed him that the man wanted to see his son at the hospital and that’s why wasn’t fighting back.

Everything was pretty much a blur after the ambulance got there. The paramedics loaded Jimmy into the van and took him to the hospital, while Spencer and Hotch got into their SUV and followed. Throughout the ride, Hotch didn’t say a single word. He had that stoic look on his face again and Spencer could almost feel the man gritting his teeth. Spencer knows it always hits home for Aaron, whenever fathers and sons are involved. Once they get to the hospital, Aaron and Spencer wait outside the emergency room. Aaron just paces back and forth, while Spencer sits on one of those hard hospital seats and watches the other man. He doesn’t dare to say anything and just nervously twiddles with his thumbs. After the doctor comes out to speak with them, Aaron storms in through the doors and despite knowing this wasn’t going to go well, Spencer doesn’t say anything and simply gives the doctor a small smile.

Spencer stays in the waiting room, while waiting for Hotch. Rossi calls him up asking what was going on. He assures the other man that everything was okay and tells him that they did not need to come to the hospital, and that he and Hotch were coming back soon. He's back to twiddling with his thumbs, when he hears the intercom with the doctors and nurses being called to some room. Spencer immediately knows it is the room that Jimmy’s son's in. He closes his eyes and sadly shakes his head. Despite being a man of science, he still can't understand how such bad things could happen to children who haven’t even seen the world yet. It is times like these when, like Aaron, he too wants to believe that Heaven exists and that’s where the children go. He wants to believe that they are still able to live their dreams and live the life they didn’t get to have on Earth, but he knows that that’s not true.

The opening of the Emergency Room’s door gets Spencer’s attention and his heart skips a beat, when he sees the look on Aaron’s face. The man has been crying. Without a second of thought, Spencer is out of his seat and walking towards Aaron. He sees the sagging shoulders and tear streaked face up close and loses the reign on his emotions he has had so far. He pulls Aaron into a hug and just holds him. He feels Aaron go rigid in the embrace, but doesn’t let go, though his grip isn’t tight and Aaron has the opportunity to pull away anytime he likes. For a second Spencer feels that Aaron will in fact pull away, but he doesn’t. After a few more seconds, Aaron hugs him back and buries his face in Spencer’s neck. The gesture is really familiar but this time it doesn’t hold any romantic meaning. Spencer can feel Aaron tremble slightly and the younger man knows he is freely crying now and he just lets him. The younger man rubs circles on Aaron’s back, hoping to provide him with some comfort. Spencer also understands why Aaron is so devastated. He has just seen the death of a child with his own eyes and he is thinking about what he would’ve done if it was Jack in there. Spencer also knows that Aaron must also be thinking about that horrific day that took Jack’s mother away from them; the same day that could have turned into a bigger tragedy if Foyet had got his hands on Jack too.

“Shhh” Spencer finds himself saying in his attempt to calm Aaron down. “Jack’s okay. He’s back home. He’s safe, Aaron” he whispers in the older man’s ear and places a soft kiss on the side of his head. Aaron doesn’t say anything, he doesn’t even look up, but tightens his grip on Spencer’s body. Spencer doesn’t try to get free. He just quietly stays there and lets Aaron embrace him as tightly as he wants. They’re not together, never were, but Spencer prides himself on the fact that he knows Aaron better than anyone (well maybe not better than Haley, but pretty much everyone else). They stay quiet and seconds, then minutes go by before Aaron calms down. He doesn’t pull away though, and as Spencer is about to, he goes rigid, when he feels Aaron kissing his neck. He doesn’t know how to react and almost wants to just close his eyes and lose himself in Aaron like before. But the rational part of his brain, that knows this won’t end well, chastises him and tells him to push Aaron away. Aaron seems to be long gone and starts nibbling and soothing the column of Spencer’s throat, the same spot that always makes the younger agent go weak. As Aaron’s hands, start to find their way inside Spencer’s sweater, Spencer knows it’s time to stop. “Aaron… stop” he mumbles and pushes at the older man, who reluctantly pulls his head away and just watches Spencer, keeping his hands steady on the younger man’s hips. There’s no remorse on Aaron’s face and Spencer sighs, reaching up to cup his right cheek. “We can’t, Aaron. We can’t restart what we ended all those years ago.” It hurts telling his once lover that, but Spencer knows this needs to be done. “I know…” Aaron simply says and closes his eyes, and leans into the touch. Spencer tries hard not to but the irrational part of his brain, makes the younger agent lean in and presses a chaste kiss to Aaron’s lips. The Unit Chief’s eyes shoot open and he blinks at his subordinate. Spencer just stares back and says nothing, but when he finally does, it’s not at all what he had actually wanted to say. “We should go.” As soon as the words leave his lips, the moment is over and Aaron steps away. He takes out the keys from the pocket of his slacks and hands them over to the younger man. “You can go sit in the SUV. I’ll be there in a bit” Aaron tells him and then walks away, taking his jacket from the nearby chair. Spencer regrets not being able to say anything else. He cowered out of the situation and he would have to live with this forever. Maybe Aaron wanted more, but now Spencer would never know. What Spencer does know is that Aaron will now go back to Virginia and date that bicycle woman and Spencer will just wallow in his sadness like before. They will pretend that this moment at the hospital never occurred, because they were good at that, the whole pretending thing. 


End file.
